So, this is the time where I claim to be a horrible blogger, and bow down to all my 9 followers and ask for mercy. There....done..

Where have I been you might ask? I have been existing and that is about all. It really is as sad as it sounds. After hearing a wonderful message on faith and healing, I came away from church yesterday feeling invigorated and refreshed. I truly think that I have had PPD (Post-pardum Depression) these last few months, and have been trying vehementantly to deny the heck out of it. Why? I don't really know. Will I just pop out of it suddenly and go back to the happy go luck woman and mother that I once was, no. It will be a long and trying process.

At this point, I don't want to commit to anything b/c we all know that I commit to things very flippantly and then quit a few months down the road. I want to be happy again, to wake up and want to be a mother and a wife to the two most amazing people I know.

I will be reading the book of James this week, and acutally studying it. Not reading it like a novel like I was prone to do before. Did you know the book of James was not written by the apostle James, but by James, Jesus' brother. It takes on a whole new meaning now, right? Imagine living under the shadow of the Son of God. Phew!

Will I promise to be a better blogger now? I don't think so, not promise, but I do not want to stay away. Feelings and emotions are so much better expressed than suppressed, so maybe I will use them here, to get them off my chest perhaps.

I am sorry to those that have been worried about me, especially Caleb and my mom.

Things are looking up. (And I mean that in a literal sense :-))

Ok, so don't throw beets at me, but after being four miles from our hotel on the way to Jazzfest, DH and I realized we forgot the camera on the bed. So, the jazzfest pics are all on his Microchip for his phone, and he has been getting home at 11pm everynight this week. I plan on getting those pics on Sunday and will update this thread when I get them done.

Now, forward ho'....lol

After much walking and sun from Jazzfest on Friday, DH and I decided to sleep in until right before check out on Saturday and then adventure around the French Quarter until our legs fell off or until sun down, which ever came first...lol. The entrance to the Riverwalk was a block from our hotel, so we did some shopping and caught lunch. It was so nice walking, holding hands, and talking. We would sit occasionally and just watch the boats and ships pass by. Around 1pm we arrived at the French Quarter, and being the woman that I am, I wanted to walked into every shop...well, except for the sports memorabilia one :). we were able to get some stuff for Christmas presents. I have to say, my favorite part about the French Quarter was the street vendors. I have never seen so much handmade items all at on place. It was like I was in heaven.

The atmosphere is so relaxed and calm. There is no one there that is in a hurry, and the vendors gladly let you peruse their things. The art is amazing and beautiful. All around the park fence, artists hang their work for sale, and they sit there painting while you walk around just looking. Horse drawn buggies are waiting in a line for you if you wish to take a ride. Around 2:30pm we popped into Cafe Du Monde for a snack and a very much needed potty break. We both decided to have Beignets (Ben-yays) and to share a Coke. They were DIVINE!!!! And really, they just made us even more hungry.

We walked down to the French Market, where you can just about find anything. We walked and walked all around the booths of Mardi gras masks, voodoo dolls, homemade home decor, books, jewelry, dresses, and so so much. We must have stayed there forever just shopping (and spending too much money...lol).

To cap off the night, we to the Market Cafe, which we went to before on our way to Georgia to evacuate from Hurricane Ike. We shared a seafood platter that had fried Jumbo Shrimp, Fried Oysters, and Fried Catfish all on top of fries. Oh, and a Louisiana Lemonade ;). It was seriously the best ever, and we were so full.

We trecked back to our car that was parked at the hotel 8 miles, and headed home. We had so much fun and enjoyed each others company so much. It was a much needed break, even though I miss Brayden tons.

When we got home, Brayden was sleeping, but I couldnt resist getting him out of his bed just to hold him while he slept. Around 11pm he woke up, and smile the beautifullest smile ever. It was as if to say, Mommy, I am so glad you are home. He stayed up for about 45 mins, and did not want to be with anyone else. I loved it.

Headed out to start our day
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The notorious Bourbon Street (not so crazy in the daylight hours mind you)
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An apartment in the French Quarter
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St. Luis Cathedral and Art
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St. Luis up close
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Pic of the Sanctuary (yes, I did sit on the floor to get this shot)
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Palm Reader
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Trombone Player
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Horsey!
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Cafe Du Monde Beignets (covered in powdered sugar)
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Num Num!
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Powder sugar fiend
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Pouting because My beignets somehow disappeared
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Tuck in a toy store!
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Wow!
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:-)
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Louisiana Lemonade
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yummy!
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Steamboat
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Street Vendors
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At my mom's house picking up Brayden, look at that smile!
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We came home to a hot house, so Dh and I stayed up waiting for our room to cool down (Brayden has a fan in his room that was going all weekend for some reason). I checked the kitties' water and food and went to unload the suitcase. When I went to turn out the lights to go to bed, this is what I saw.

Can you tell me which one is the piggy?
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I have been feeling down for the last few days. It has to do with my upcoming trip to New Orleans with Caleb and the fact that I will be leavign my little boy with my mom for three days. I haven't went more than 8 hours without seeing him, and even then, when it is time to leave I am all giddy thinking about the big smile I will recieve when I walk through the door. His seperation anxiety is really high right now, he actually screamed when I left this morning. I hate seeing him upset, and know that I need time to myself, but I really feel quilty about it all.

I will be missing his ten month birthday, not that its really all that signifigant, but I am upset about it nonetheless.

Sigh...

I am hoping to have a really great time. I know that Caelb is really looking forward to it. We have to pack tonight b/c we will be leaving right after work tomorrow. :-D I promise pics galore when I get back!!!

Dear sweet boy,

I cannot tell you how amazed I am with you. You constantly surprise me. You have begun to say bye-bye. It is so sweet to hear those words as I am walking out the door. You got your FOURTH hair cut, and I have to say you look so dashing. I think for your first birthday I am going to bring you to a real barber.

Some thing that we have learned over the past few months are patty cake (you do the best "throw it in the pan" ever!), peek-a-boo, and you have even started cruising around the furniture.

We dedicated you to the Lord last month, and really is was very bittersweet for me. I know that you are from me and your Daddy, but honestly, you belong to the Lord who created you in my womb. you are so sweet and sat so patiently in Pastor David's arms while he prayed over you. Daddy and I am so proud of you.

Your 9 month check up went really well. You are 17lbs 14 ozs and 26 1/2 inches long. So, you are still on the small side even though you eat like a pig. I am constantly thinking of new things that you can eat. Some of the newest that you like are over cooked noodles, leafy spinach, and baby cheetos.

You are so handsome and sweet, and we couldnt have asked for a better baby! I love you!!!

Love,

Mommy

P.S. Pics to come soon!

Why do I submit myself to the emotions of watching birth shows? I am sitting here crying after watching a woman have to go into an emergency csection. Why am I crying you may ask?

I want a baby. I want one so very badly. It seems so selfish of me b/c I have my beautiful 9 month old son, but somewhere in my heart I feel the hole in my little family. Dh does not want to even discuss the subject, and I really should just let it go for a while b/c I know that now is not a good time. It is just hard. We will definitely start trying again in December, but until then I will just have to be a martyr in my head.

I long for a natural birth so bad, and many things will be different this time. I will be going with a midwife and a doula to help keep my mind on track. It was so easy to agree with a doctor that pushed a csection b/c I wanted to see my baby as soon as possible. I miss being pregnant and having that glow. So many people told me that pregnancy suited me, and I kinda miss that.

Sigh...again the question on my mind is why do I even submit my mind to these thoughts?

I thought I would get some therapy out of my blog and take time to release things that annoy me or make me angry. Please dont take this to think that I am a negative person. The passive aggressive side of me needs to get these things out.

1. Elitest know-it-alls. You may know a lot, but you really dont have to tell me what you think is best for my child.

2. People interupting me while reading or while I am trying to concentrate. If I do not acknowledge that you walked into my office, please dont start rambling away while I am trying to get some reports done.

3. After sweeping and mopping, my sons onesie still comes out of the wash dingy and brown.

4. Dropping off Brayden 30min trip, Going to work 30 min trip, picking up Brayden 30min trip, Going home 30min trip.

5.I have no polish remover and only half of my toenails have paint.

6. My hair is in the wierd stage where it is not quite long enough to be in a full ponytail.

7. AF is supposed to show Monday, enough said.

8. My earliest bedtime this weekend was 11:30pm

9. Ice cream is my vice.

10. I started running out of negatie thoughts, buthad to make a tenth one b/c I am borderline OCD, and cannot end on an odd number.

Hello all, long time no blog.

I think I am going to touch on something here that may offend some, or even upset some, but in a way I have to get this out and off of my chest.

I voted for Obama. There I said it. Yes, I am pro-life, and yes, I believe that homosexuality is morally wrong. I was raised in a very Republican family, and somehow, someway, I got caught up in all the propaganda. Am I saying that McCain was a better choice, eh, not really but anyway.

I have been having doubts about my decision where at the time that I voted, I was sure that Obama was the best choice. After a great sermon one Wednesday, DH and I got in the car and I just sighed. He knew I was bothered and asked if I want to talk about it. At first, I really didnt know where to start, but then (as always) the fount began to flow.

I am all about human rights. I believe that everyone should have the same rights as everyone else, nor matter their moral scope. However a quote provided by my pastor broke me.

“Compromise is but the sacrifice of one right or good in the hope of retaining another--too often ending in the loss of both.”

Why was it ok for me to compromise life (anti-abortion) for the economy? Is money more important than a child's existence? I had such a burden on my heart about this thought.

The discussion in our little PT Cruiser came to Gay and Lesbian marriage, and I was quite adamant on telling him that it is not fair that they cannot marry. I was bringing out all the guns on this one, but one little thing he said stopped me in my tracks. "So, you want to make accommodating laws for sinners?" Sigh. Is that what I have been advocating for? Is it sad that I never thought of it this way?

I was able to talk this over with a great friend, and came to the conclusion to just give it to God. I cannot change the past, but I can overcome it through Christ. I think putting it out here in print just solidifies the fact that it is gone and over.

Thank you so much for reading, and I am sorry if I offended you. I promise that I did not intend to, and hope that you take this as my own personal beliefs and not an attack on anyone.

I have disabled comments on this post for drama control.