Why do I submit myself to the emotions of watching birth shows? I am sitting here crying after watching a woman have to go into an emergency csection. Why am I crying you may ask?

I want a baby. I want one so very badly. It seems so selfish of me b/c I have my beautiful 9 month old son, but somewhere in my heart I feel the hole in my little family. Dh does not want to even discuss the subject, and I really should just let it go for a while b/c I know that now is not a good time. It is just hard. We will definitely start trying again in December, but until then I will just have to be a martyr in my head.

I long for a natural birth so bad, and many things will be different this time. I will be going with a midwife and a doula to help keep my mind on track. It was so easy to agree with a doctor that pushed a csection b/c I wanted to see my baby as soon as possible. I miss being pregnant and having that glow. So many people told me that pregnancy suited me, and I kinda miss that.

Sigh...again the question on my mind is why do I even submit my mind to these thoughts?