As I have gotten older, I have come to the conclusion that it is ok to be me. I am wierd I admit it. I eat plain noodles with grated parmesan cheese, I actually like to mow the lawn, and you would be really surprised to hear my thoughts when someone is having a seroius conversation with me. Have you ever back tracked your thoughts and wondered how you ever got to the thought of ice skating rabbits? Yeah, that's me.
Throughout high school and most of college, I would take offense to those faces that would look at me strangely after I made an off the wall comment, but now...not so much. It amazes me how much I have changed since last stepping foot on Bronco ground (my old high school mascot). How much more will I start liking myself in the years to come?
All I know is that I love me, and I wouldnt want to be anyone else!
I think I am at a point in my life that I am ready to get rid the negative aspects of it. After beating myself up for so long over things that I had no control over, it really is time for me to just let go. Just sitting here looking at my little boy playing at my feet makes me think about all the things I want to change about myself. I surely do not want him growing up feeling insecure or guilty.
God is truly SO good, and has given me so much that I am grateful for! And I know, that with Him I can fix my wrongs.
Thank you Lord for watching over me even when I wasn't watching You.
There are quite a few things that will gross out your parents. However, there is one thing that is beyond apalling, and will come as a shock to your mommy and daddy if done correctly. So, I am here to give you the best tutorial possible in order to help you thoroughly disgust your parent.
Step One: Learn fine motor skills. Specifically the Pincer Grasp. It will seriously come in handy.
Step Two: Learn to be quiet after waking from a nap. None of that whiny business. This task must be done in silence.
Step Three: Wiggle and squirm during a diaper change so that your parent is too annoyed to put clothes on you.
Step Four: Make your parent very happy by taking a long nap. One to two hours is the standard.
Step Five: While sleeping, or immediately after, use that lovely diaper to deposit a nice stinky present (you know which one I am talking about :wink:).
Step Six: Use step one to open the diaper and "explore" your findings.
Step Seven: Be gracious and share your finding with your toes, hair, privates, oh, and even your bed and paci!
Step Eight: Grin and giggle as your mommy or daddy walks in. Pay special attention to thier shocked face!!!
Note: This mission and accomplishment of it will bring you ample bathtime!!!
Yes, this is what happened to me today. I am still recovering.......
My little monkey was dropped off at my sister's house this morning. I was telling her about his diaper rash and how to put a cloth wipe inbetween his bum and the cloth diaper after putting the diaper cream. I showed her his snacks, and which he should have with lunch and which after he wakes from a nap.
I turned to give him a hug and he had already scampered off to play. I smiled, and said, "bye bye baby!" He looked up at me, said, "bye," went back to playing, and my heart broke just a little.
How did this little baby become so independant so quickly?
We have been house sitting for my Aunt this past week, and I can tell you that nothing beats coming home. I can sit in my chair that feels so comfy and soft, and I can organize everything unnecessarily, and find the pots and pans that I need when I need them. We made good use of the pool and little Monkey loved having a big "Bap" everyday...lol.
So, now I am back sitting in my chair and DH sitting at the desk, each on their own computer. I really do love this time, because it's not like we are ignoring each other b/c if he sees a crazy video on youtube he will show it to me, and I will talk to him about a blog I read.
I love how we are so comfortable in silence. The best way to explain it is that we dont HAVE to talk unless there is something to talk about. I dont feel an incessant need to make conversation, nor does he.
Right now, I am taking a break from facebook and organizing a copious amount of pics. I really do need to get all of Monkey's newborn pics from my mom, because right now I have a few of his birth and then none until 2 months old, which is when we came back home. I love looking through pics, and like any good OCD gal, I also love organizing...lol.
In this moment, I hope that Monky sleeps through the night so that DH and I can have a few hours to zone out.
So, this is the time where I claim to be a horrible blogger, and bow down to all my 9 followers and ask for mercy. There....done..
Where have I been you might ask? I have been existing and that is about all. It really is as sad as it sounds. After hearing a wonderful message on faith and healing, I came away from church yesterday feeling invigorated and refreshed. I truly think that I have had PPD (Post-pardum Depression) these last few months, and have been trying vehementantly to deny the heck out of it. Why? I don't really know. Will I just pop out of it suddenly and go back to the happy go luck woman and mother that I once was, no. It will be a long and trying process.
At this point, I don't want to commit to anything b/c we all know that I commit to things very flippantly and then quit a few months down the road. I want to be happy again, to wake up and want to be a mother and a wife to the two most amazing people I know.
I will be reading the book of James this week, and acutally studying it. Not reading it like a novel like I was prone to do before. Did you know the book of James was not written by the apostle James, but by James, Jesus' brother. It takes on a whole new meaning now, right? Imagine living under the shadow of the Son of God. Phew!
Will I promise to be a better blogger now? I don't think so, not promise, but I do not want to stay away. Feelings and emotions are so much better expressed than suppressed, so maybe I will use them here, to get them off my chest perhaps.
I am sorry to those that have been worried about me, especially Caleb and my mom.
Things are looking up. (And I mean that in a literal sense :-))
Ok, so don't throw beets at me, but after being four miles from our hotel on the way to Jazzfest, DH and I realized we forgot the camera on the bed. So, the jazzfest pics are all on his Microchip for his phone, and he has been getting home at 11pm everynight this week. I plan on getting those pics on Sunday and will update this thread when I get them done.
Now, forward ho'....lol
After much walking and sun from Jazzfest on Friday, DH and I decided to sleep in until right before check out on Saturday and then adventure around the French Quarter until our legs fell off or until sun down, which ever came first...lol. The entrance to the Riverwalk was a block from our hotel, so we did some shopping and caught lunch. It was so nice walking, holding hands, and talking. We would sit occasionally and just watch the boats and ships pass by. Around 1pm we arrived at the French Quarter, and being the woman that I am, I wanted to walked into every shop...well, except for the sports memorabilia one :). we were able to get some stuff for Christmas presents. I have to say, my favorite part about the French Quarter was the street vendors. I have never seen so much handmade items all at on place. It was like I was in heaven.
The atmosphere is so relaxed and calm. There is no one there that is in a hurry, and the vendors gladly let you peruse their things. The art is amazing and beautiful. All around the park fence, artists hang their work for sale, and they sit there painting while you walk around just looking. Horse drawn buggies are waiting in a line for you if you wish to take a ride. Around 2:30pm we popped into Cafe Du Monde for a snack and a very much needed potty break. We both decided to have Beignets (Ben-yays) and to share a Coke. They were DIVINE!!!! And really, they just made us even more hungry.
We walked down to the French Market, where you can just about find anything. We walked and walked all around the booths of Mardi gras masks, voodoo dolls, homemade home decor, books, jewelry, dresses, and so so much. We must have stayed there forever just shopping (and spending too much money...lol).
To cap off the night, we to the Market Cafe, which we went to before on our way to Georgia to evacuate from Hurricane Ike. We shared a seafood platter that had fried Jumbo Shrimp, Fried Oysters, and Fried Catfish all on top of fries. Oh, and a Louisiana Lemonade ;). It was seriously the best ever, and we were so full.
We trecked back to our car that was parked at the hotel 8 miles, and headed home. We had so much fun and enjoyed each others company so much. It was a much needed break, even though I miss Brayden tons.
When we got home, Brayden was sleeping, but I couldnt resist getting him out of his bed just to hold him while he slept. Around 11pm he woke up, and smile the beautifullest smile ever. It was as if to say, Mommy, I am so glad you are home. He stayed up for about 45 mins, and did not want to be with anyone else. I loved it.
Headed out to start our day [IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v633/redmustang/SANY1249.jpg[/IMG]
The notorious Bourbon Street (not so crazy in the daylight hours mind you) [IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v633/redmustang/SANY1252.jpg[/IMG]
An apartment in the French Quarter [IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v633/redmustang/SANY1254.jpg[/IMG]
St. Luis Cathedral and Art [IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v633/redmustang/SANY1262.jpg[/IMG]
St. Luis up close [IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v633/redmustang/SANY1263.jpg[/IMG]
Pic of the Sanctuary (yes, I did sit on the floor to get this shot) [IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v633/redmustang/SANY1270.jpg[/IMG]
At my mom's house picking up Brayden, look at that smile! [IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v633/redmustang/SANY1333.jpg[/IMG]
We came home to a hot house, so Dh and I stayed up waiting for our room to cool down (Brayden has a fan in his room that was going all weekend for some reason). I checked the kitties' water and food and went to unload the suitcase. When I went to turn out the lights to go to bed, this is what I saw.
Can you tell me which one is the piggy? [IMG]http://img.photobucket.com/albums/v633/redmustang/SANY1335.jpg[/IMG]
I have been feeling down for the last few days. It has to do with my upcoming trip to New Orleans with Caleb and the fact that I will be leavign my little boy with my mom for three days. I haven't went more than 8 hours without seeing him, and even then, when it is time to leave I am all giddy thinking about the big smile I will recieve when I walk through the door. His seperation anxiety is really high right now, he actually screamed when I left this morning. I hate seeing him upset, and know that I need time to myself, but I really feel quilty about it all.
I will be missing his ten month birthday, not that its really all that signifigant, but I am upset about it nonetheless.
Sigh...
I am hoping to have a really great time. I know that Caelb is really looking forward to it. We have to pack tonight b/c we will be leaving right after work tomorrow. :-D I promise pics galore when I get back!!!
I cannot tell you how amazed I am with you. You constantly surprise me. You have begun to say bye-bye. It is so sweet to hear those words as I am walking out the door. You got your FOURTH hair cut, and I have to say you look so dashing. I think for your first birthday I am going to bring you to a real barber.
Some thing that we have learned over the past few months are patty cake (you do the best "throw it in the pan" ever!), peek-a-boo, and you have even started cruising around the furniture.
We dedicated you to the Lord last month, and really is was very bittersweet for me. I know that you are from me and your Daddy, but honestly, you belong to the Lord who created you in my womb. you are so sweet and sat so patiently in Pastor David's arms while he prayed over you. Daddy and I am so proud of you.
Your 9 month check up went really well. You are 17lbs 14 ozs and 26 1/2 inches long. So, you are still on the small side even though you eat like a pig. I am constantly thinking of new things that you can eat. Some of the newest that you like are over cooked noodles, leafy spinach, and baby cheetos.
You are so handsome and sweet, and we couldnt have asked for a better baby! I love you!!!
Why do I submit myself to the emotions of watching birth shows? I am sitting here crying after watching a woman have to go into an emergency csection. Why am I crying you may ask?
I want a baby. I want one so very badly. It seems so selfish of me b/c I have my beautiful 9 month old son, but somewhere in my heart I feel the hole in my little family. Dh does not want to even discuss the subject, and I really should just let it go for a while b/c I know that now is not a good time. It is just hard. We will definitely start trying again in December, but until then I will just have to be a martyr in my head.
I long for a natural birth so bad, and many things will be different this time. I will be going with a midwife and a doula to help keep my mind on track. It was so easy to agree with a doctor that pushed a csection b/c I wanted to see my baby as soon as possible. I miss being pregnant and having that glow. So many people told me that pregnancy suited me, and I kinda miss that.
Sigh...again the question on my mind is why do I even submit my mind to these thoughts?
I thought I would get some therapy out of my blog and take time to release things that annoy me or make me angry. Please dont take this to think that I am a negative person. The passive aggressive side of me needs to get these things out.
1. Elitest know-it-alls. You may know a lot, but you really dont have to tell me what you think is best for my child.
2. People interupting me while reading or while I am trying to concentrate. If I do not acknowledge that you walked into my office, please dont start rambling away while I am trying to get some reports done.
3. After sweeping and mopping, my sons onesie still comes out of the wash dingy and brown.
4. Dropping off Brayden 30min trip, Going to work 30 min trip, picking up Brayden 30min trip, Going home 30min trip.
5.I have no polish remover and only half of my toenails have paint.
6. My hair is in the wierd stage where it is not quite long enough to be in a full ponytail.
7. AF is supposed to show Monday, enough said.
8. My earliest bedtime this weekend was 11:30pm
9. Ice cream is my vice.
10. I started running out of negatie thoughts, buthad to make a tenth one b/c I am borderline OCD, and cannot end on an odd number.
9:12 PM -
Posted by Deidre -
Hello all, long time no blog.
I think I am going to touch on something here that may offend some, or even upset some, but in a way I have to get this out and off of my chest.
I voted for Obama. There I said it. Yes, I am pro-life, and yes, I believe that homosexuality is morally wrong. I was raised in a very Republican family, and somehow, someway, I got caught up in all the propaganda. Am I saying that McCain was a better choice, eh, not really but anyway.
I have been having doubts about my decision where at the time that I voted, I was sure that Obama was the best choice. After a great sermon one Wednesday, DH and I got in the car and I just sighed. He knew I was bothered and asked if I want to talk about it. At first, I really didnt know where to start, but then (as always) the fount began to flow.
I am all about human rights. I believe that everyone should have the same rights as everyone else, nor matter their moral scope. However a quote provided by my pastor broke me.
“Compromise is but the sacrifice of one right or good in the hope of retaining another--too often ending in the loss of both.”
Why was it ok for me to compromise life (anti-abortion) for the economy? Is money more important than a child's existence? I had such a burden on my heart about this thought.
The discussion in our little PT Cruiser came to Gay and Lesbian marriage, and I was quite adamant on telling him that it is not fair that they cannot marry. I was bringing out all the guns on this one, but one little thing he said stopped me in my tracks. "So, you want to make accommodating laws for sinners?" Sigh. Is that what I have been advocating for? Is it sad that I never thought of it this way?
I was able to talk this over with a great friend, and came to the conclusion to just give it to God. I cannot change the past, but I can overcome it through Christ. I think putting it out here in print just solidifies the fact that it is gone and over.
Thank you so much for reading, and I am sorry if I offended you. I promise that I did not intend to, and hope that you take this as my own personal beliefs and not an attack on anyone.
I have disabled comments on this post for drama control.
I thought for this blog I would let y'all into my past a bit. There are times when I think back on my childhood and remember it being a blast and then times when I remember it being hard. My siblings and I grew up poor. My dad was a trucker and in the 90s it was one of the least paying jobs in America. I can remember eating ramen for dinner and a biscuit for breakfast. I remember being so embarrassed in the lunch line when the lady asked for my card and I didnt have to give her money like my friends b/c I recieved free lunches, but then once I get past the bad things the good things shine through like a blaze.
We used to have this old rusty oldsmobile cutlass. It was baby poo yellow and constantly veered to the right. I shattered the back passenger side window just by closing the door after getting dropped off for school. So, my dad went home, patched it up with duct tape and a trash bag (black might I add). We still roll with laughter when we talk about it.
My siblings and I were constantly outside, and we had a big oak tree in the front yard. We once asked my dad for some rope to make a rope swing, then next day he came home with eighteen wheeler load straps and told us to have fun. That swing is still there when I pass by that old trailer.
Shopping is one of my most favorite things to do, but I do it smart. Being the oldest, I got a lot of priviledges like going shopping with my mom without the other kids. She taught me that we could have really nice things, and never have to pay full price. We went shopping once a month, and she would always buy me a Frozen coke to sip while we shopped. I would drink that thing so slow b/c I wanted it to last as long as possible.
I remember playing in the dirt in the back yard and making tunnels and bridges for my brothers' toy cars. Playing chool was one of our favorites, and I would take my books and make check out charts in each of them for my siblings to borrow.
When I was 15, after making the Regional honor band, I was asked to audition for State. My mom and I rode with another student and her mother and stayed in the hotel with them. My mom got a call right before my audition that a tree had fell on the house during a thunderstorm and destroyed almost everything. She didnt tell me until after my audition. We again had to start from scratch.
It is wierd thinking back on those times b/c my parents now live in a really nice trailer in a really nice neighborhood. They have two nice vehicles, and most of their children are thriving on their own (my brother still lives at home).
Truly, I believe I had the best childhood ever. We were very close, and I was loved.
I have been on this self motivation kick lately. Everyday when I get home, I take Brayden out fo his car seat, play with him for 15 minutes on my lap and then start dinner, wash the dishes from breakfast, pick up the room and closet, and start a load of clothes if needed. Once Brayden is down for the night around 7:30pm, I am able to do what my heart desires! these past few days I have been sewing and then two nights ago I put together the invites for work, but last night was completely different.
I spent 4 hours clipping coupons and looking at the circulars. I am pretty sure that I found great deals, but I wont really know until I go shopping. B/C I spent so much time on the coupons, my sink is full, DH had to put away the left overs, and the floor are filthy with rirtz crumbs. Sigh...I thought this was supposed to be easy and take very little time?
I have been in the mood to sew lately! I spent most of my night last night looking up free patterns on the internet. lol. Brayden is finally going to sleep around 8pm, so now I dont feel like I am putting him to bed and then going to bed myself! Hopefully I can get some stuff done tonight, especially his curtains, which are cut, but I was almost out of brown thread, so I decided I will pick some up on my way home this afternoon. Honestly, I bought flat sheets for a little more just b/c I didnt feel like making a perfect bottom hem...lol. How lazy is that?
I found a couple of really cute projects that may make really great christmas presents, so we will see!
I posed for quite a few photo ops for my friend that loved freelance photography. Here I am at 16 years old. I see a free spirit, someone who didnt have a care in the world. I miss those days.
I can't believe another month has passed us by. It seems like just yesterday I was announcing you Half Birthday! We spent the weekend together, and when Daddy go off of work we went to Pa-Ray's house and had gumbo, you of course had peas and rice cereal. You are getting so smart, and your favorite thing right now is Baby Einstein's My First Sign's DVD. You sit in your exersaucer and watch it over and over.
You have now found and love to entertain "the baby" in the mirror. Every time you see yourself you start to giggle and get all excited. We are trying to teach you to plan peekaboo with your burp rags, but all you do is pull it off your head and look at us like, "What did you do that for?"
You are starting to get up on your knees, and have even attempted to take a few crawling steps, but you usally end up face planting. It seems as if to you, you get around so fast scooting, that you are happy doing that instead of learning how to crawl. You are giving great big kisses now too! It melts my heart when you come at me with a big open mouth and grab my cheeks.
Mommy and Daddy are enjoying these fun, exploring months. We have so much fun taking you for walks and letting you explore things. Like Saturday morning, when you and I spent an hour outside exploring the grass. I can't wait to get a bike, so that we can explore the neighborhood!
I love you so much, and look forward to this next month of new and exciting things!
I was able to get 30 minutes of sewing in yesterday, which never happens. Dh and I got Brayden the Sign and See DVD, and Brayden loves it. He has never really paid attention to the TV before, but now he is fascinated. I will have to post a video later. I also put it on this morning while I was getting ready for work. Usually Brayden plays on my bed, and I keep an eye on him, but with the DVD I just put him in his exersaucer and away he went!
So, thank you so much makers of Baby Einstein, you have made my life so much easier in the mornings.
Brayden has taken to pooping every day, and most times twice a day! No wonder he isnt gaining weight. As soon as he eats half of it projectile vomits everywhere and 12 hours later what is left comes out the other end!!!
This is so frustrating. I would at least like him to get out of the 25% range and at least into the 50%.
I want to give a HUGE shout out to little miss Holly Allen! I am a follower of her blog and her precious twin boys! Yesterday, I was veiwing her blog and low and behold she has a new etsy shop. So, I go perusing and find a painting that is named Brayden in Brown with a little boy in brown shorts carrying a monkey (I call Brayden my little monkey b/c he is so hairy)! I was beyond excited, and went to immediately gobble it up with my paypal...lol. She is a really talented artist, and all proceeds go to her little boy's helmet and treatment! Please consider hopping over to bumbleknees.etsy.com! You won't be disappointed!
I have this kid on my myspace that I went to church with a few years ago. I would put his age at 12-13 now, but his myspace says he is 40?!? Anyway, he is constantly updating his status to say "text me...###-####". I wrote him a message telling him that it is not a good idea to do that. His reply was, "My myspace is private." I told him private or not, people can still hack your computer. Ugh...why does this child need a myspace or better yet a cell phone!? When I was 12, I was much more interested in playing with dolls and riding my bike.
What is with parents these days, why are they allowing their children to grow up so fast?
that make me so sleepy. Maybe it is the lack of stimulation at work, so it may that it is foggy, rainy and cold outside. I did not feel like getting up this morning, so I waited until the last minute and did not have time to put on makeup or make my hair look pretty. I am in DHs Dallas Cowboys Hoodie and jeans. Bleh...I still have laundry to do. I am sure it will be staring me down when I walk in the door.
Caleb and I did dishes together last night, and it was sweet. I love when he helps me like that even though he may have had a hard day as well. We have made a pact to stay at home this week and weekend, so my days of being lazy are only going to increase (Sweet right?!?). I adore lazy days and really treasure them. I may just do half of the laundry tonight and read a book...who knows?
Caleb got his school schedule for this semester, and it is horrible. bleh...I wish he could get a nice schedule just once! MWF 10-12 and TTH 12-3....which puts him working 1-10 on MWF and split shift on TTH. I would LOVE to be able to go to the weekday services at church, but that looks like a no go again this semester. The good news is that after this semester he only has 12 credit hours left which is one Summer semester and half a fall semester!!!! I can't wait until he is no longer in school. It is a strain on gas, finances, and time. I miss my hubby coming home at 5pm!!!!
Yesterday was Brayden's 6 month birthday. I find it hilarious that every New Years Day will be his half birthday :-). He is getting so big, and it amazes me how fast the time has flown. I remember the stressful anticipation the day that I had Brayden. All my fears disappeared the moment I held him in my arms. Caleb and I have been so blessed to have a healthy, happy little boy.
Here are a couple of milestones we have accomplished:
-sitting up unassisted (last week) -sayng our first word, mama (5 1/2 months) - Army crawling (5 months) - Eating Solids (Christmas)
Brayden and I both have colds and stuffy noses. It breaks my heart to have to use the aspirator b/c he screams and now knows what that little blue bulb does. We slept so well last night, but it was an ordeal getting him to bed b/c he felt so awful. I hope it passes soon!
First and foremost, I am a mom to two beautiful little boys! Even though I am 26, I never act my age. I am a hardcore Virgo. I am super organized and like order. I am quirky, and have a very odd sense of humor. Patience is a virtue, but I am not that great at it.
